“No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:62)
Admittedly, I have always been a pining sort of person, never quite satisfied with things, usually settling into a restless kind of contentment.
I ache for the seasons where life was simpler and the consequences of my current decisions less drastic.
And yet, at the same time, I yearn for a future that is brighter than this present moment. I'm hungry for more opportunities, new scenery, a stronger and more mature version of myself.
But here I am. For now, this is where God has placed me.
This temptation to live outside the here and now is especially strong lately. In 73 days, I'll be marrying a man who has been too far from me for too many years. We have a little home that begs to be filled with laughter and love. There are old and new friends waiting for me to arrive. There are new opportunities to work. There is ministry there, and my heart swells at the thought of finally getting my hands dirty.
There's a niche for me on that island. And with him. All I want is to be with him.
To do it, though, I need to leave my home. My family. My friends here. My job. The simple town that has cradled me for my entire life. This is all I've ever known. There are moments when my joy and hope for the future is punctuated with grief that leaves me breathless. I cling to the familiar and bury my head to hide from the unknowns.
Will I be a good wife? Will he really be there for me as he says? What about when children come? Can I really handle this?
But I know that self-doubt is just a distraction from the life God's called me to. Each season is a new opportunity to be molded by Him into something more beautiful.
And we'll never experience that if we spend life looking backward.
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